This is a contest where readers submit alternative meanings for common words.
Here are a few beauties:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs
2.Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you’ve gained
3.Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline
4.Flatulence (n.), an emergency vehicle that picks you up after you have been run over by a steam roller

Well you get the idea

Now here is another part of the contest where the entrant can change a letter to change the meaning of a word.

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating
2. Cashstration (n.) The act of buying a house, that renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period
3.Inoculatte (n.) to take coffe intravenously when you are running late
4.Hipatitus (n.) terminal coolness.

All of these come from the Washington Post that has this annual contest. I defy my readers to contribute better ones.